her facebook's as public as her vagina
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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