i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
