I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I will pee on everything he values.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
