I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
