Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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