6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
