You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
