Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
