are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
