We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
