Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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