so that wasnt chicken after all
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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