I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
