My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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