It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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