he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
