Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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