I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
