Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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