what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
