Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
