yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
