Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
