You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
