I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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