I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
