how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
