if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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