I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
