I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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