Need sex. Gaining weight.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
