apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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