i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
