Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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