Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
