I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
