i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
