are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
