If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's blow job season.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
