Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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