They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
