You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
