Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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