Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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