how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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