the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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