quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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