why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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