A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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