I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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