That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
