what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
