R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
