She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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